How to put ‘love languages’ to work at work
As HR leaders search for the secret formula for keeping top talent engaged, one creative approach is translating the concept of “love languages” for the workplace.
It may sound controversial, but experts say when done right, it fosters appreciation across the workforce while bolstering retention.
Seth Eisenberg, president of Pairs Foundation, advocates for this approach. “While the concept of love languages is traditionally applied to romantic relationships, the underlying principle — that people have different ways they feel valued — is universal,” he said. “When employees feel recognized in ways that resonate with them personally, their sense of emotional safety, loyalty, and motivation increases dramatically.”
What are the ‘love languages’?
Originally developed by Gary Chapman for romantic partners, he later adapted, with psychologist and co-author Paul White, the principles for professional settings in “The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.” The idea: just as people express love differently, they also have distinct preferences for receiving appreciation at work.
“The essential idea is not to replicate romantic intimacy, but to recognize that emotional validation and human connection are key to psychological well-being in any environment,” Eisenberg said.
Teresa Johnson, a certified facilitator of Appreciation at Work and CEO of Color Me Mine, a pottery studio with more than 120 outposts in the U.S. and Canada, believes the approach “enhances communication, builds trust and empathy, and increases engagement among team members.”
While the term “love” might raise eyebrows in a work setting, Johnson seconds Eisenberg in explaining it’s merely about understanding how each employee prefers recognition. Eisenberg suggests framing it professionally: focusing on “appreciation languages” rather than “love languages.”
“It has to be adapted carefully,” said Louis Carter, founder of Most Loved Workplace, recommending the term “recognition styles” to maintain boundaries.
The 5 workplace languages
Experts outline how these concepts translate professionally:
Words of affirmation. Specific, genuine praise and acknowledgment.
Quality time. Attentive, undistracted one-on-one meetings or team-building experiences
Acts of service. For example, stepping in to help a teammate meet a deadline
Tangible gifts. Small tokens of appreciation like a handwritten note or meaningful reward
Appropriate physical touch. Handshakes, high-fives, adapted cautiously and appropriately
How to deploy the concept
Assess through conversation. “Leaders must avoid making assumptions about what individuals prefer and instead open respectful conversations about how people like to receive feedback,” said Victoria Grinman, psychotherapist and founder of Growing Kind Minds. Eisenberg suggests offering surveys or discussions that help employees reflect on how they best feel appreciated.
Train managers. “The idea is not to create rigid rules, but to promote attunement: knowing how your team members feel most seen and supported,” Grinman said. Eisenberg adds that leaders should “observe and personalize their recognition efforts appropriately.”
Personalize recognition. Even experts have preferences — Johnson, for example, values acts of service over public praise. “I don’t need verbal recognition and would rather not be publicly recognized,” she said. Carter cautions that HR must make sure appreciation stays tied to the work itself, so as to avoid focusing on personalities.
Monitor and adjust. Track engagement scores, retention rates and satisfaction. Carter’s research shows that organizations build strongest cultures when managers personalize support.
Addressing concerns
The greatest risk in all this is misunderstanding boundaries. Love languages, Eisenberg said, “must be adapted carefully to avoid confusion between emotional validation and inappropriate intimacy.”
Grinman emphasizes that applications must prioritize consent, professionalism and emotional safety, while Johnson offers that transparency is key. “As long as everyone knows the purpose, it actually excites people,” she said.
The benefits
Understanding emotional needs fosters deeper trust, greater cooperation, and stronger engagement, according to Eisenberg. “People are biologically wired to seek emotional connection,” he said. “In the workplace, this translates to higher morale, reduced turnover, and healthier team dynamics.”
An HR roadmap
- Ask employees about their recognition preferences
- Create clear professional boundaries
- Train managers on attunement
- Establish feedback mechanisms
- Reassess and adapt strategies
“Our people are our biggest assets,” Johnson said. “This is just one more way to build a strong team.”
Grinman, meanwhile, believes these principles can be a great helpmate to HR in order to “personalize appreciation and humanize management, creating workplaces where people feel truly valued.”
As Eisenberg puts it, “When deployed with clarity and care, adapting love language principles can create more human, healthy and resilient workplaces — workplaces where people thrive not just as employees, but as human beings.”